My Journal

8-27-10: Well friends sorry it has a been awhile since my last post....I was talking to a good friend about some of the thoughts I have shared w/you all about where I think our Country is heading, why I think it is heading there, and who is responsible.....and he told me that I should be wary of becoming too "political" as to not alienate anyone from my site. I fully agree with him that my site shouldn't be political....and my "site" won't be....but this is my personal journal...and in my personal journal I will express any and all thoughts that I want. I feel that my freedom of speech and expression is just as valid as anyone else's and I shouldn't have to censor myself because my journal happens to be on my website. I know that not everyone will agree with what I have to say or how I say it and that is fine...all that I ask is that you realize that I have the same right as anyone else to my opinions whether you agree with them or not. Remember to pray for each other and never forget God is good.......ALL THE TIME!

8-14-10: Having a roller coaster week and I am not really sure how to deal with it. I feel like every time I think I am getting even or a little ahead, I always seem to get knocked back 3 more steps. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Or maybe I know exactly what I am supposed to do and I am just fighting it tooth and nail. Maybe what I really need to do is just take a few steps back and pray and meditate and listen to what God is saying. Either way I can't keep going in the direction I am. Pray for me and each other and remember as always that God is good...ALL THE TIME!

8-7-10: Well, another week over and I still can't figure out why when I was kid time seemed to go so slow and now it just flies by. I mean the year is already half over and in a blink of an eye it will be fall.....I feel anxious almost all of the time and I have no rational explanation for why. It is a vast understatement to say that my life hasn't turned out exactly as I thought, even though to be honest, I don't really know what I thought it would be like at 43 yrs old. You see for a long time I lived under the assumption that I would never live to see this age. My lifestyle, choices, and attitude were....so what, I want what I want and I want it now! I didn't care who I hurt or how as long as I got what I wanted. Not a very good attitude for a Christian to have, but keep in mind during this time I wasn't a Christian yet. I drank way more than any human should ever survive drinking, EVERY WEEK, I didn't go to Church. I didn't care about God!.........I will continue this and more in the coming days so as they say on TV stay tuned! And remember God is good...ALL THE TIME!

8-4-10: God is good.....ALL THE TIME! Too bad the same can't always be said for man and the way we treat or get treated by our fellow man. Free will is a gift from God and it is an amazing gift, but, I can't help but wonder how much less stressful life would be if we all did what was right all the time according to God's will. It has become more apparent to me that we have consistently and stupidly continued on a path further and further from God in this Country. What a great Country it is that could be so much greater if we just loved our fellow man instead of trying to find 100 different ways to cheat him or her out of what they have all in the vane effort for us to have more. People who seek worldly gain above all else SHOULD enjoy it to the fullest now because it is the only reward they have coming. And I can tell you on judgment day I wouldn't want to have to be them and try to explain to God the choices I had made in my life. As always remember to pray for each other and always always always those less fortunate than you....and being less fortunate doesn't necessarily mean having less you can be the richest man in the world but without God in your life you are less fortunate than the poorest man that knows God and walks with Him in his life!

7-26-10: WOW! I have been a little busy so I haven't written much lately. Not too much is going on other than work and this week is VBS at my Church. It is always a special week for my Church bc this is the time of the year that allows for the most one on one time with the kids of the neighborhood. The only time a lot of them ever go to or hear about Church. I remember as a kid that VBS was something we looked forward to every year. Pray for my Church and those involved in putting on the VBS that it will be a great week of God inspiring fellowship and fun....God is good.....ALL THE TIME!

7-14-10: Good morning to all,

Here we are in the middle of July, summer is quickly passing us by. It’s amazing how fast the calendar seems to move! I must be getting older because that’s the kind of thing I used to hear people much older than me say. Oh well, they say time flies when you’re having fun so I must be having lots of fun!

One of the highlights of the year at Evanston Wesleyan is Vacation Bible School and since summer is passing so quickly it must be time for VBS. In less than two weeks, we will begin the biggest outreach ministry that our church does for the kids in our community. In order for this ministry to be effective, we need everyone’s help. There are so many opportunities for you to be involved that I can’t possibly list them here, but Candy May can certainly tell you all about them. If you have not already talked with her about your willingness to help, please contact her at 574-0148 or < >candyandduane@yahoo.com so that you can be a part of the joy of this ministry. The dates are July 26-30 from 6:00 to 8:45 each evening. We will be serving a meal at 6:00 and the program begins at 6:30.

Don’t forget about the school supplies for our outreach this month. We are planning to distribute them to the kids during VBS so we need them in hand by Sunday, July 25th. So far, we have only received a few items so we really need your help. Please drop them off in the church foyer so we can get them ready for distribution.

One more reminder from my wife – anyone interested in attending the baby shower for Christa Key this Friday evening, please meet at the church at 6:15. Christa and Eric will be welcoming their little boy in the next month or so and our church ladies have been invited to the shower hosted by Bethany Wesleyan Church where Eric and Christa now pastor.

Have a great week!

Pastor Jim

7-7-10: Good afternoon ,

Well, I think we can officially say the heat of summer has arrived. Isn’t this why we all love the summers in Indiana? There’s nothing like a little heat and humidity to bring out the best in all of us! Just remember in about six months when it’s around 5 below zero and the wind is blowing hard how much you enjoyed this heat. We just have to keep things in perspective – I’ll take the heat over the bitter cold any day.

I’ll be quick this week – I have a long to do list with a short work week. Please remember the list of school supplies I sent last week and bring those items in by Sunday, July 25th. Our Vacation Bible School begins on the 26th and we want to distribute the supplies that week to the kids. Speaking of VBS, please see Candy May this Sunday and let her know how you plan to participate. If you don’t have any specific role in mind I’m sure she will be more than willing to help you find your place. Let’s all work together to make this the most effective ministry time we have ever had through Vacation Bible School.

One more item I want you all to be aware of is the passing of Susan Cutsinger’s mother, Sharon Johns. Sharon’s struggle with ALS ended Sunday afternoon. Please be in prayer for Susan and her family during this difficult time. The viewing will be Wednesday from 4 - 8 p.m. at the Flanner and Buchanan Funeral Center at Floral Park, 425 N. Holt Road, on the west side of Indianapolis. The funeral will be Thursday morning at 11:00 a.m.

Serving Him,

Pastor Jim

6-30-10: Good morning!

What a beautiful day and I hear there are several more on the way this week! I hope you get a chance to get outside and enjoy the lower temperatures and humidity. Angie and I were walking last night and it felt so much better than it has over the last several weeks.

This weekend, we will be celebrating the 4th of July holiday – I hope you stop and take a moment to thank God for the freedom that we enjoy here in the United States. We are truly blessed. On Saturday evening many of us will gather to watch the Ravenswood fireworks display together. The show is great and the fellowship is even better. If you would like to come join the fun, plan to meet us in the parking lot of Riverwood Park (formerly White River Elementary School) on the corner of Crittenden and Haynes sometime after 8:30 p.m. The fireworks should begin around 9:30-9:45. Bring a snack to share with everyone.

Sunday morning we will follow our normal schedule of services so I hope you will join us for Sunday School and Worship before spending time with your family and friends celebrating the holiday. Angie shared with us this past Sunday morning about the outreach project for the month of July, providing school supplies for our neighborhood children. We plan to begin distribution of the supplies during our Vacation Bible School the last week of July we need to get started early in the month purchasing and bringing them to the church. I am including a list of supplies the children will need. Any of these items that you are able to purchase will be a great help to our neighborhood children.

Notebook paper – wide rule

#2 pencils

Pocket folders

Washable Markers

Crayons

Pencil Boxes

Erasers

Colored Pencils

Scissors

I appreciate all of you. I hope you have a great week and I am looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

Pastor Jim

6-22-10: Good morning on a rainy Monday, Wow! We had quite a downpour this morning (at least where I was). It’s the first day of summer but it sure seems to be raining like it’s still spring. Oh, well, as they say, it’s Indiana so it will change soon. The temperatures sure are summer-like. I hope you were able to be with us yesterday as we celebrated our fathers and the dedication of the Sam Gann Memory Garden. If not, you missed out on some great worship, fellowship and food. A special thanks goes to all who prepared the food for our meal and for those who worked so hard at setting up before and cleaning up after the meal. You are greatly appreciated! Our family will be out of town this week from Tuesday evening through Saturday but the normal Wednesday Family Night activities will go on as usual. Come and join in the Bible Studies, Teen or Children’s ministry. It’s a great time to grow in your walk with Christ. We will be at attending the Weinmann Family Reunion at Fall Creek Falls State Park in Tennessee. I’m planning on some golf, fishing, family and food (in no particular order). It should all be very relaxing. I look forward to seeing you all next Sunday as we gather to worship the Lord together. Have a great week! Pastor Jim

6-18-10: You know I have spent a lot of time thinking about the state our world is in today, and what that means to me as I figure out how/if it ties into the Bible's description of the beginning of the end. I can honestly tell you that I am not a great source of knowledge when it comes to interpreting the Word of God. I can however offer this, my opinion, and you may take it for what it is worth. Does it really matter if this the beginning of the end? As Christians shouldn't we live EVERYDAY like it may be the day Christ returns? I know that I don't, I am ashamed to say, but, I need help every single day to do what is right. Maybe not with the small stuff.....but in my outlook on life in general....Things like WHY is it SOOOOO hard to relate to my family in the same way I do with my clients? Which one is the real me? The person I HOPE I am or the person I am AFRAID I am? I think the trick is that we have to learn to know the difference and work very hard on being the person we portray to the public all the time.....not that I am intentionally fake with them, but that I don't have the same level-headed judgment with my own family....If that makes sense to anyone but me! Pray for me to have the strength to overcome my shortcomings in the eyes of the Lord and I will do the same for you...always remembering that God is good.....ALL THE TIME!

6-16-10: Good afternoon to all, I trust you all are having a good week. We are moving toward a busy weekend at church and I want to be sure you all have the details on the activities. I want to try to keep these updates brief so I’ll move right on to the details of the upcoming weeks activities. This Sunday is Father’s Day and we will be honoring and recognizing our fathers during the morning worship service. Immediately following the service, we will gather outside the front of the church to dedicate the Memory Garden celebrating the life of Sam Gann. The Gann family has done a fabulous job creating this wonderful addition to our church, and I hope you will be able to be with us for the brief dedication ceremony. Immediately following the dedication, everyone is invited to join us in the fellowship hall for a luncheon. The church will be providing the drinks and meat and we are asking families to bring the following based on where your last name falls in the alphabet. Those names beginning A-G are asked to bring a salad of some kind, H-N are asked to bring a side dish and O-Z are asked to bring a dessert. Now, I know that some of you are famous for specialty dishes that may fall outside these guidelines. Feel free to bring whatever you like, we are just trying to be sure all the bases are covered. If I had my way, everyone would bring desserts but that wouldn’t be too healthy, would it? Our district women’s conference will be this Saturday morning, June 19th. Any ladies wishing to attend are asked to meet at the church at 8:00 a.m. this Saturday. You should be back early in the afternoon. One more note, the following Saturday, June 26, is the date we have committed to serve at the Shunem House in Noblesville. This is our outreach project for the month of July and we need everyone who is available to help. If you would like to be a part of this service project or want to know more details, please give Angie a call @ 255-9057. The plan is to meet at the church at 8:30 a.m. and carpool to the Shunem House. Well, that’s certainly enough for a “short” update, I’ll sign off now. Have a great week serving Jesus! Pastor Jim

I have been a bit lazy the past few weeks so I hope you have enjoyed these letters from my Pastor reminding us that God is good....ALL THE TIME!

6-9-10: Good afternoon,

I hope you enjoyed the beautiful weather the last few days – low humidity, comfortable temperatures and beautiful sunshine. I know it won’t be like that much for the next few months but I sure hope you were able to take advantage of the last couple of days and spend some time outside. Angie and I were able to take a long walk last night and it felt so good after the high humidity of last week.

I was so excited to see some new faces in Sunday School this last week. If you have never taken the opportunity to join in Sunday School or one of our other Bible Studies on Sunday evening or Wednesday you are missing out on a great time of learning and fellowship. Why not plan to come this next week and see how much you benefit from the time spent. I don’t think you will be disappointed!

Our busy summer is underway. Our family will be gone to Tennessee for a few days later this month following District Conference and then again for a week in July. The last week in July is when we have scheduled our annual Vacation Bible School. I’m sure Candy May will be recruiting help soon, so be thinking and praying now about how you can be involved. We need everyone on you! You will be so blessed if you take the time to help out.

Well, that about does it for my short note this week. These updates are supposed to be short and sweet and to the point (kind of like my sermons????) so I’ll sign off now. Have a great week!

Pastor Jim

P.S. By the way, have you been praying for what we know God’s will is? If you missed the message this last Sunday the answer to that question is that God’s will is that all will be saved. We should all be praying that He will help us bring someone to a relationship with Him.

6-01-10: Memorial Day was a good day and let me start off by personally thanking all of the men & women who are serving now and that have served in the past. You have done your family and your Country proud and deserve to treated as the Heroes that you are everyday, not just 2 days a year. People who have never served can not fully comprehend the sacrifice that not only you but your families make. I think it is a shameful plight on our Nation how soon they forget what you were willing to give up for them. If you don't think that is true, just look up the numbers on homeless Veterans in this country. The same people that selflessly risked their lives, in peace time & war, to ensure your way of life that have no place to sleep tonight! Even those who joined to "ONLY" pay for college knew there was a chance they may be called upon to defend our Nation, and how does our Nation thank them? Well I would encourage you to find a Viet Nam era Vet and ask them. I find it repulsive that I seem to be the ONLY one that thinks that if a young man or woman is willing to sacrifice their life for us, whether they go to war, or just take the responsibility of saying, "YES, I will serve", those individuals should never have to worry that they will have a home to live in, a job to do, or means to live on. Everybody loves our Soldiers when they are in harms way.....maybe it is time to extend that love to GRATITUDE and really take care of our HEROES the way they take care of us.........God is good...ALL THE TIME!

5-27-10: Well the Fair Tax initiative is gaining strength I am very happy to report. I have even seen/heard of TV commercials supporting it. That is a good first step, but we can not afford to let let up on this or let it be forgotten. It is time for all Americans to stand up and re-claim the power "of the people, by the people, and for the people". We have to let our government and politicians know in one resounding voice, "We will not go quietly into the night, if you don't heed our warnings on how we feel OUR government should be ran, then we WILL replace you". Whether people want to admit it or not this country, our country, WAS founded on Christian principles with Christian idea's and yes BY Christians! Fifty six men signed the Declaration of Independence, of those ALL were Christians, ranging from four full-time preachers, many who were children of Clergymen, and all regular Church attenders. The ratio of Believers to Non Believers was far greater in the Founding Govt. than in the Colonies themselves. As a matter of fact ALL of the two hundred four men credited with structuring our Govt. were Christians and believed in only one God....our God....and he is good........ALL THE TIME!

5-18-10: People I am strongly recommending that all of you visit www.fairtax.org READ the information and see how this plan could not only eliminate the IRS,income tax, capital gains tax, as well as others, but see for yourself how the Fair Tax as proposed would generate about 358 Billion dollars more a year then the taxes it replaces while improving life for the MILLIONS of people in this country that live at or below the poverty level by allowing them to keep their ENTIRE paycheck. Allowing our entire National Debt to wiped out in as little as 37 years. A plan that is so simple that Politicians won't believe that it can work. A plan that will finally make the Made in America label competitive again. Allowing a future for our children and grandchildren that doesn't include crippling debt that we dumped on them. There are many pro's to this option and the only con is that the Govt. would have to close the IRS...what a shame! www.fairtax.org read it, study it, tell all of the politicians in your state that you support a Fair Tax and if they won't act on it to put it to the people and let US vote on it...afterall "WE" the people means all of us not just the politicians! Pray for guidance from God and allow your children's children a chance at a life w/out a national debt that can never be paid any other way.........and first and foremost always remember God is good........ALL THE TIME!

5-13-10: Well the Spring rain has come on with a vengeance but it should make for some pretty flowers and trees. You know friends I have tried to keep my personal views to myself about a lot of things but some things you just can't keep quiet about without driving yourself crazy! We live in a very dangerous and imperfect world and it will never change if we do nothing to change it. It isn't enough anymore to sit idly by and complain about what it is wrong! We have to try to figure out how to fix it if for no other reason than to ensure that we had at least done everything within our power. It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. We are on a fast track to a One World Govt. and One World Currency and it is like no one can even hear the train barreling down the tracks! You can no longer sit by and take at face value everything the government allows you to see on the News! It is not only your RIGHT but it is your RESPONSIBILITY to your children, grandchildren, and yourself to question what your government is doing in your name and voice your opinion if you don't like what you see! People it is time the citizens realize that the Politicians work for US! We do not and should not work for them! How can I be the only one outraged that our government bailed out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and STILL expects you to pay your mortgage every month! Seems to me if your tax dollars bailed THEM out, then you have ALREADY paid it!!! And that is just the first very small drop in an enormous bucket! The worst thing to happen to this country since WWII was taking us off of the gold standard in 1971, at which time we started printing money with no tangible assets to back it up i.e.* gold! The idea of a one world government and currency is not a new one....but it does have a very real chance of success if we stand by and do nothing to stop it...and a very good first step is to drop to our knees and turn to God who is, after-all, good...............ALL THE TIME!

5-5-10: Well work is erratic as always, and I haven't been adding much on here because well frankly, not a lot is going on right now. I have been enjoying the Spring weather and getting out more. That is a praise in itself seeing as how this time last year I had no reason or desire to go outside. You know I have heard that 1 in 4 Americans suffer from some sort of Mental Disease or Defect. The most common being depression. I never realized till having to struggle with it myself how much it consumes your life and manifests not only emotionally but physically. Depression hurts! It causes very real physical pain that isn't always talked about. I don't have any answers or magic solution, becoming a Christian won't assure you a pass on depression, anymore than it will assure you that you will be rich! God will be there to go through it with you, to help you, to give you something to lean on......and that my friends is what makes God good.....ALL THE TIME!

4-30-10: You know I have been asked about some of my posts in this journal, as to how people might react. I tell people time and time again that being a Christian doesn't mean that your life is automatically perfect. I still have the same financial, emotional, and everyday worries and problems as everyone else. The difference is that I know I don't have to go through these situations alone, God is always with me, giving me strength and comfort. The way you can tell is the way people react to certain situations, do we always understand the outcome, NO! Are we always happy with the outcome, NO! But I do believe that no matter what the outcome that God is in control. I am not supposed to understand everything about God. You believe through faith. And because Christians are HUMAN!!!!!! sometimes that faith is stronger and sometimes because we are human it is weaker....remember this....WE change, God doesn't....God was, is, and always will be God.....and he is good.....ALL THE TIME!

4-24-10: Work is finally starting to pick up, although my site or e-store have yet to generate anything. Don't get me wrong I am no televangelist asking for all of your money, I would be more than happy if the site just made enough to be self sustaining. But even if it doesn't I have resolved to keep it going for as long as I am able. Monthly visits have steadily risen each month and just being able to get the Word of God out to literally thousands of people since I started my site is amazing. Proving to me time and time again that God is good......ALL THE TIME!

4-15-06: Sitting at my computer and thinking about all the things that I need to do and starting to feel a little overwhelmed again, like always. Good thing that I have the assurance that God is always with me. I need to remind myself of that constantly....You would think that it would get easier and that you when you know, you know.......but I am finding that I do have to remind myself....and I am learning that it isn't a bad thing that I do........it is as simple as this...God is good...ALL THE TIME!

4-6-10: Spring has sprung and thankfully God has blessed me with enough work to get by. I realize more and more each day that God is good....all the time! and those aren't just words. He is good all the time.....if you pay attention and look close enough you can see his hand in every part of your life. Even when you don't know it, or can't see it, or even can't believe it...he is there...watching over you, going through the fire with you...because he loves us that much! If you think about it, how AWESOME is that! Take time out of your day EVERYDAY to thank God for all of the things you have...friends, family, and the promise of everlasting life in Heaven....God is good....ALL THE TIME!

3-29-10: Well Easter is coming up this week and the time we celebrate Christ's triumph over death. I think it is good that we have Easter and Christmas as a time to celebrate together, but it seems to me that the birth, death, and resurrection of Christ is something that should be celebrated by all Christians in their everyday life as well. The sacrifice that was made so that we could live with God in Heaven for eternity is the most amazing gift of all. So as you gear up for the holiday this weekend with family, friends, and your Church family, try to remember that we should celebrate the miraculous gift of Christ everyday....because after all, God is good....ALL THE TIME!

3-23-10: It sounds strange to me sometimes when I hear people, other Christians, talking about the good that comes from even the worse of situations that we face in life. I mean I know they are right and it is true because it draws us nearer to God. It's just that sometimes it is hard to see the good in some things. I think about things that I have went through that at the time I couldn't/didn't see anything good that could come from it, but looking back on those situations now I clearly see good that has come out of the tragedies in my life. Proving once again that God is good........ALL THE TIME!

3-18-10: It seems that with the Spring business is finally starting to pick-up...there is at least the potential for work where there hasn't been in awhile. Thanking God for that and for the great weather we have had lately. God is good.....ALL THE TIME!

3-13-10: Well Spring seems to have finally gotten here to stay and that means warmer weather, longer days, and a new sense of optimism for me! I don't know what it is about the Spring and Summer months that always seems to make everything seem like it is going to be okay, but I will take it! I am really TRYING to a better job of reading at least one Bible verse everyday and remembering to pray as much as I can. I am also learning that I should pray as much when something good happens as I seem to with the bad things. I am ashamed to say, but when something good happens in my life, praising God for it isn't always my first thought.........I need to work on that! We are so quick to go to Him when something bad or tragic happens, we(I) need to be as quick to go to Him when something good happens. That is what the Bible means when it talks about praying constantly...it doesn't mean literally "non-stop" it means to pray to God about all things, good and/or bad......and remember as always God is good.....ALL THE TIME!

3-8-10: I think the reason that I sometimes feel that I don't get an answer, isn't because there is no answer, but maybe it just isn't the answer that I want to hear. Or maybe I don't spend as much time praying and reading and studying the bible as I should. Do any of us? I mean really? If you look inside yourself at the things we allow to get in the way of the time we could be spending with God. And I am not throwing stones here because I am guilty of it myself. I think we would all benefit from spending more time reading the Bible, studying his word and talking to Him. That is all he wants is for us to just talk to him as we talk to each other. Praying should be constant....and remember God is good..........ALL THE TIME!

3-3-10: I am kinda torn as I write this. First off, all praise is to God that a member of our Church family, Joe Miller, came through surgery well and is now starting his recovery. God has done and continues to do amazing things in Joe's life. The conflict I feel is that I sometimes wonder if maybe I am doing something wrong. I don't know if I should have these feelings of being forsaken, but I am after all only human. I feel like sometimes the real me is trapped inside this cage..and I really want to get out, but I don't know how. I can't find the door no matter how hard I try...and even tho I know that I am not alone and God is always with me, I just don't always feel that way. Like maybe I am not the person I should be or that maybe I am a lost cause. I want to do the right things and live the right way. But am I really? How do I know? What do you do when you don't know even know for sure inside yourself? Now I know the answer from some would to be to pray. But what do you do if you pray and aren't sure what the answer is or aren't sure you would know the answer if you did get it? My job is non-existent, personal life is in a shambles, I don't even like leaving my apt. that I am in serious jeopardy of losing because my job is non-existent. Where do you turn when you feel that you have no where to turn? And even through the unsureness and confusion I still know in my heart God is good......ALL THE TIME!

2-25-10: Another week almost gone and things are going about the same, work is slow, weight loss is slow, weather is yucky! But in spite of all of this I still have hope that it is going to be a great year. We are so blessed in so many different ways that it seems odd that we want to focus on and use all of our energy towards emphasizing the bad....I sometimes wonder if that isn't Satan's way of trying to get a foothold...... by saying "well ya these 100 things in your life are going well....but what about this 1 thing that isn't?......isn't that what is important?" We seem so ready to blame God for the bad in our life, but we are never willing to as readily thank him for all of the good. That is something I think we can all work on....so instead of dwelling on the negative things that are going on in your life, try this..when you feel the negative starting to get you down...make a list of all the things that you do have...if you REALLY try I think you will find that things you do have far out number the ones you don't....God is good....ALL THE TIME!

2-18-10: Ok, I think it is time for me to answer some of the criticism I have been receiving. I haven't jumped on the Help Haiti Bandwagon because the Church I attend and the Wesleyan Church as a whole are participating in several different charities raising money for the Earthquake victims, and since I have a link directly from my site to not only my Church's home site, but also the American Red Cross, I didn't feel it necessary to try to lure people to my site for selfish reasons using a tragedy as the catalyst to get more hits. Ofc I think we should all continue to pray for the people of Haiti, and ofc I think we need to do what we can help. That being said, I would never make light of any tragedy or try to use a tragedy as a publicity tool to grow my site. If you would like information on what you can do to help click either link on my site. The American Red Cross link on my Prayer Request page or you can click on the Footer on any page and be taken right to the Homepage of the Wesleyan Church. Pray for the people of Haiti and their families, as well as each other, and remember God is good.......ALL THE TIME!

2-14-10: Happy Valentine's Day! I am sure the Greeting Card people and Chocolate people are raking it in hand over fist today! I always find it odd that we feel we need a DAY to celebrate love. If you truly live a Christian life then EVERYDAY should be a day to celebrate love. And shame on us for making people think there is something wrong if they don't have a Valentine! Maybe there are people, like me, who have chosen to be alone at least for now to straighten on my own life before involving someone else in it! So if you are like me and happen to be single on this SUPPOSEDLY most romantic day of the year allow me to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are loved EVERY second, minute, and hour of everyday by our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! God is good........ALL THE TIME!

2-05-10: Haven't had a lot going on recently, I am still struggling with my battle to lose weight. It is so hard to have the desire to exercise when the smallest basic movements cause you pain. In my head I see it all so clear....so easy.....no way to get through it but to do it......but i am finding that it is so much easier said than done...........the mental will is strong...the physical will on the other hand.....well let's just say has something to be desired. Once again i find myself wondering if maybe i am leaning too much on my own strength and not relying enough on God? Or maybe i am just using that as an excuse, maybe i know exactly what God is telling me and just choosing not to do it! I battle with this on an almost daily basis...........i am not sure what the outcome will be yet...all i can do is keep praying.....listening.....and hoping that i am doing just what he wants, the way he wants, and get comfort from knowing that all things are done is His time, not ours! God is good........ALL THE TIME!!!!

1-28-10: I think it is safe to say that at sometime or another we have all asked, "why am I here?".......well the short answer is that you are here because this is where God wants you. Figuring out our place and purpose in life is something we all struggle with. The most comforting thing is to just know that you are not alone in your pondering of the "GREAT UNKNOWN" and what this life here on Earth means. You are not alone because millions of other people are wondering the same thing at the same time you are. And I think that is a big part of our lesson is this life.....searching for the answers...maybe not knowing all the answers is exactly how God planned it. His understanding is far superior to ours and when we try to fit him into this neat little package that our simple minds can understand and explain.....we fail! That is simply because we are not supposed to understand things in the same way he does because his knowledge, love, and compassion are as infinite as He himself is. Take comfort in knowing that he is always with you and watching over you and loving you in a way we can't even begin to comprehend. Keep asking questions and searching for answers, there is nothing wrong with that.........and remember.......God is good....ALL THE TIME!

1-24-10: I have been trying to decide where my life needs to go. I feel lost, like I have something more to offer, but I don't know how to go about doing it.....I just feel like there is more....more I should be doing.....more I could be doing.....so if you are or have been feeling that way...know you are not alone. Pray....meditate.....talk to God.......listen to what he is telling you....and if you are confused and don't think you know what the answer is......what he is telling you to do.......don't be discouraged....it will come to you in His time! Our time frame is not always the same as His and we don't always understand immediately, maybe because we are hard headed, or slow learners, or just resisting what we know it is he wants for us because of fear or whatever other reason. Just know you aren't alone in the way you feel....pray for yourself...pray for others...and don't be closed off to listening to what he has for your life. And as always..........God is good......ALL THE TIME!

1-16-10: The new year is in full swing now and the holidays are behind us. Keep remember all year to thank God, not only for what you, but for what he is going to do in your life as the year goes on. My goal this year along with still going on my effort to lose the weight is to keep a thankful attitude all year for the things that i do have. Also to make an effort to mend some fences in my family as well as with others. It is not going to be easy and I am kind of reluctant to even put it down on here. If it is out there it is something I have to accountable for. But maybe that is good thing. Just remember to always thank God and love your family. They may not be the best family in the world but they are the one you were given! God is good ALL THE TIME!

1-6-10: Moving towards the end of the first week of the new year and I am actually looking forward to making some real and major changes this year. I am pondering a new career which is both scary and exciting. I am still moving along on my journey to lose this enormous amount of weight. Not going as well or as fast as I hoped but any progress is better than no progress, or worse yet going in the wrong direction. I am going to try to have a more positive outlook not because it is a resolution....but bc it just makes life better. I can't wait to see what direction God will lead me, not only in my spiritual life, but in my everyday life. Look forward to updating this journal and my site as the year goes on and hopefully get the remaining chapters of the Bible on....a process that is taking much longer than i had anticipated.........Have a great week everyone! God is good.........ALL THE TIME!

1-1-10: Ahhhhh! The start of a new year! In all reality it is just another day but somehow we see it as a new beginning. A chance to be better than we were before. Making promises to ourselves, resolutions, most of which will be broken by days end! I am encouraged by how hopeful we all seem to be on this day! I wish we could carry that feeling with us all year long! If we treated everyday as a new beginning how much better would this world be. And if you think about it is really! Everyday that God grants us is a new beginning! It is through his grace alone that we all awoke this morning. So as you enjoy your holiday and relax today please try to keep in mind that everyday we enjoy on this planet is a new beginning given to us by Almighty God! Happy New Year everyone and may God bless you and your families everyday bc he is a good God......ALL THE TIME!

12-26-09: Now that Christmas is over, try to make a point of reminding yourself everyday of the gift of Jesus Christ. The gift he gave to us is an everlasting gift that we should never forget or take for granted. Imagine if you were in the most wonderful of places, heaven, and chose to come to Earth, not only to live, but to die, on purpose so that we could live with him for eternity in Heaven. How amazing his love for us is to knowingly come and subject himself to all the temptations of man as well as the pain and torture he knew would happen at the end of his life! That is something we should remember every single day, not just on Christmas & Easter, or on Sunday morning in Church. So make you resolution this year that you will make a conscious decision to remember everyday the gift that God gave us all when he allowed a virgin to become pregnant with our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

12-19-09: Less than a week left and as that day draws closer the madness increases...traffic, crowds, anxiety...let us not to forget amongst all the chaos to thank God for our many blessings. Sit down with your children share the story of Jesus' birth from Luke 2:1-20, instead of reading say oh, The Night Before Christmas.........or why not both! I know your kids would love that. The good thing about the REAL Christmas story is that you can share it with kids of all ages, even big ones like us! lol....If you remember to keep God first and foremost in your life then you already have the best present you could ever hope for! God bless, and Merry Christmas!

12-15-09: Well as I motor closer to the Christmas holiday I have lots to be thankful for, work is picking up, I have a great family (most of the time..lol), a great Church. This year seems to have flown by. As you get older it seems that time speeds up where as when you are younger it seems to drag on and on. Have a very Merry Christmas and please remember to keep the true spirit of the holiday present. Teach your kids that it isn't only what you get but you can give that makes this such a special time of year. Pray for those less fortunate as well your blessings and make sure to be mindful of how great it is to be part of the family of God. Have a great day!

12-08-09: This is a good week business wise and I am so thankful for that. As we all know money doesn't have to be a priority, but unfortunately it is a necessity. Keeping that frame of mind in a country that is so affluent that often your status in the community is measured not on you but what you have. Which is another reason that as a nation, claiming to be a Christian, is a mockery to God. Yes, we have many many Christians living in the US and I am so glad of that. But to say we are as a nation Christians simply isn't true. Under the guise of "PC"(Political Correctness) non-Christians have been able to move this country almost 180 degree's from the principles we were founded on. Not celebrating the good Christian founding fathers, no, instead we choose to focus on the only 2 that weren't Christians...74 chosen, 55 would accept, of those no more than 38 present at any one time...and of those present 36 Christians - 2 non-Christians. Do you ever hear of that in school NO...instead you hear a twisted version that our founding fathers not only accepted but endorsed the separation of Church and State and that is just an out and out LIE! But they count on the fact the forgotten Founder's the Christians one will never be studied because they are not found in mainstream scholastic studies...what a sad sad thing that all these great men should be pushed aside to make it easier to bypass the real principles this great nation was founded on....one nation UNDER GOD........hold these words dear Christians because there may come a time they to will be in jeopardy of being erased from the History books in the name of political correctness!

12-03-09: Well with Thanksgiving behind us thoughts will now move to Christmas. As you are doing your shopping this year, remember that this holiday is not about toys or Santa or candy canes, it is about the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Instill in your children that it isn't about what you get but what you are willing to GIVE that is the true meaning of this season. There are many ways you can give; help out at a homeless shelter, donate food, clothes, and other items, spend time with an elderly neighbor or relative. You would be surprised how much you can actually give to a lonely person just by showing them someone cares. The best gifts in this world come from the heart. Caring for and about someone is the best present you can give them. Yes getting presents is fun and makes you feel good, but I promise you if you GIVE of yourself to others who really need and might not otherwise have it you feel so much better. The joy that the littlest thing to you can bring to someone else is hard to explain. Donate some of your gently used toys to a shelter or orphanage where kids have nothing and you would be amazed at the impact that has. Things you don't even give enough thought to to use or even care about might be the best thing they receive this year! So yes enjoy your holiday season, be thankful for what you have and receive, but please remember the true spirit of this season comes from giving of yourself to make someone else feel like "YES! someone does care about me, I am loved" God bless you and your family and remember to keep "Christ" in Christmas...it isn't the "Holidays", or "X-mas" it is CHRISTmas and that is what it should be all about Christ our Lord!

11-26-09: Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Had a nice visit w/family today and some good food too. I am going through a rough patch right now but like all things this to will pass. Taking a day to reflect on all I have to be thankful for and the people that I should be thanking more and probably never could enough no matter how hard I try. It's a funny thing how 2 people having a conversation can see the exact same subject in such totally different perspectives. Sometimes the points don't come out the way they should or are misinterpreted, however the confusion starts in the end we are all still family and that is what matters the most. So be thankful, tell God how much you appreciate the people in your life even when you don't agree or see things from the same vantage point. In the end your family is all have. They may not be perfect, no one is, they may frustrate you and make you crazy but when all is said and done you trade them for all the gold in Fort Knox. God Bless each and everyone of you and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

11-22-09: Another week over and as we enter this week of Thanksgiving please take time to reflect on all of your blessings big and small and give thanks for them to the ONE true God! This week has been both productive and a little scary. Scary in the sense that I am in serious jeopardy of eviction. Productive bc as he always does God has opened a window and provided me w/at least the possibility of some income. It is becoming ever harder to pay all my bills in this recession but i am determined to keep this site going for as long as i possibly can through the grace of God. I have donate tabs throughout my site if you would like to make a small donation to help fund the site. For $1 a day i can keep it running, unfortunately with all my other bills and expenses it is becoming harder and harder to come up with that extra $1 a day. God is good and has provided for me thus far and I have 100% faith in him and my eternal life with him and that if it is his will somehow, someway, the funds to keep this site going will be there. I am thankful for my family, friends, our soldiers and veteran's, but most of all i am thankful that i know when this life is over i will spend eternity in Heaven w/Jesus. What a day that will that be! God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

11-16-09: Well another week has started and as always i am thankful to God for the things that i have. Good family, friends, and the best Church family you could ask for. But i am really starting to realize that i have lots and lots more to be thankful for.......i have food to eat, beverages, and a roof over my head(for the time being). Things we take for granted everyday. The air we breath, walking, being able to think and appreciate these things......i/we should be thankful for all of these things......yes even the bad things....bc it is through the bad things that we grow and learn to appreciate the good things all the more. Remember to be thankful in ALL things....Praise God for everything in your life.....and please remember that when you lay your head down on your soft pillow, in your warm bed, after having a nice meal....that not everyone is that blessed......and when you say that bedtime prayer ask God to please keep a watchful eye and protecting hand on those who are weak, homeless, and not as fortunate as you. God Bless you and your family!

11-11-09: Remember to honor all Veteran's, not just today but, everyday. It is because of their sacrifice that we enjoy our freedom. So as a Vet myself let me be the first to say Thank You to anyone who has served to protect the greatest nation on God's Earth. Whether you served in peace-time or war. You chose to put yourself in harms way and die if need be so that others could live and continue to enjoy the freedom those that came before you fought so hard for never once thinking of their own well-being. There is no greater sacrifice any person can make than the decision to serve their country. Knowing full well that if the situation should arise they will be there to rise to challenge and call and defend our freedom, to the death if necessary. There is a tradition of those who have heard and heeded that call in my family and I am very proud to come from a long line of men and women who were not afraid to answer that call. Also let us remember it is not just the Soldier making a sacrifice, but their family as well. These Fathers, Mothers, Sons, & Daughters, that have such great patriotism that they are willing to be supportive and loving and understanding to the passion their loved one has to protect not just theirs, but yours, and my freedoms! We owe these people our very lives and I think it is an insult to them, us, and our forefathers for how we treat our Military men and women after they get beyond what is seen as a useful "GI"(government issued piece of equipment). The very men and women who have proven they would gladly give their life to protect ours and would do it again, only to be treated less like heroes and more like outcasts when they get beyond a usefulness to the government. It is my personal opinion that if you are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for this country in good times or bad, then this country should be willing to make some sacrifices for you.....No Vet should ever be homeless or go hungry or not get FREE medical care for the rest of their lives. No Vet should ever have to worry if they can find employment to take care of themselves or their families. These people, even the ones that served in peace-time....answered that call not knowing if they would have to see combat or not! But did it none the less because they believe in something bigger than themselves, something bigger than our government, a LOVE OF THIS COUNTRY and the principles it was founded on. I say if you are willing to die for me, I should be willing to take care of you for the rest of your natural life! Wake up America! If we continue to let our Vets feel like they don't matter when we don't need them..how can we expect them to fight for us when we do! So again allow me to say THANK YOU to all who have served in combat or peace-time..THANK YOU for your sacrifice...THANK YOU for your patriotism..and THANK YOU for allowing me to be free....If anyone out there has a decent treadmill they would like to donate to me to help me on my journey or know where I can find really cheap..please email me the info to jody@christianityconnection.com HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY!

11-10-09: Jus a quick little note to let everyone that know that you should be thankful everyday for all of the things we have instead of being so focused on the things we don't have. If you think God isn't working in your life right now this very second....put your hand to your mouth.....exhale.....and if you feel a breath leave your body......then God is working and he is good. I am going to try to be more positive, see the good in life and people, and be thankful for all of the blessings I have that I take for granted everyday! This is what I am praying for....maybe it works for you....maybe it doesn't.....that isn't for me to decide!

11-7-09: hey been kinda out of it for a few days...a lil under the weather if u will. but i wanted to post a little update about what's goin on! business, blah! personal life, DOUBLE blah! but as always God is good and continues to bless me. I am thankful for the things that i do have and even tho i have alot of things goin on ik that he is still there. he never makes me face anything alone and will make a way as he has always done.

11-01-09: waiting for the Colt's game to start, GO COLTS! I went to Church this morning and surprisingly enough I remembered the time change so I didn't show up an hour early. Work is starting to pick up some again which is always good and I thank God for that! God is good all the time. Church went well Pastor Jim has us focusing on being thankful in all things, both good and bad, and I am not sure how well that will go for me. I try to find good in all things but sometimes it is pretty hard. But then again if being like Jesus and leading a Godly life was easy, everyone would do it! And everyone should try.......and that is what I am going to do......try...and pray....and lean on God to give me the strength to find the good and be thankful in all things. Because without his strength I know I am doomed, bc I certainly don't have the strength to do it on my own.

10-27-09: well i am watching tv again, like always, just thinking about how funny it is that i have lived here for going on 9 years and in all that time i have only had 2 kids come to my door on Halloween. my Church is having our annual bonfire to give the kids an alternative to running all over the neighborhood. fun, games, and candy! as well as fellowship! i think it is the favorite thing we do as Church for a lot of people bc it allows us some real everyday life time with the people in the neighborhood. most of which would never have any interest in the church or hearing about God on any other day of the year. i am praying that my finances improve as i am sure a lot of people are right now. it is becoming harder and harder to maintain the site and pay for it every month. but i am hoping God will provide as this my way of giving back to and helping grow God's family. my portion of the great commission. well that is all i had to get off my chest for right now, oh and i have been able to start doing exercise again! God is good all the time!

10-22-09: sitting in my living room watching the ultimate fighter. i am not having much luck finding a way to have a constant flow of income. i have to admit that the stress is starting to get to me. as much as i try to not let it get it to me that feeling of helplessness is not one i am very fond of. i am by no means worried about God providing for me, i have total faith that he will, but even knowing that i think it is still normal and okay to be nervous. remember being a Christian doesn't mean you won't ever have a problem. the comfort you have is knowing that God is right there with you, guiding and protecting you. and even tho i let the stress get to me sometimes it is that assurance that he is always with me that allows me to weather these storms! God is good...............ALL THE TIME!

10-19-09: Had a pretty good weekend considering my Mom was in the hospital, work has dried up (AGAIN), and I had a stomachache! But even with all of that I went to bed last night with a sense of peace and calm that I haven't had in so long I can't remember when I had it last, if ever! It was like all of the sudden, everything was ok! I mean it isn't, by far it isn't....but that was level of peace I felt. I have daily talks with a good friend, who's name I won't mention here, and he and I talk a lot about what it means to be a Christian, if we are in fact doing what is right, if there is a chance we might not be saved at all! I think with the world in the state it is right now and not looking a whole lot better a lot of people are questioning that. I worry that maybe when people see me if they really see a person that is "saved" or do they see no difference in the way I am from anyone else they see everyday? What do you do when you pray and don't feel like you have gotten an answer? or don't understand what the answer is you got? I hope that I have and am doing the right things! Does it matter what people think at all? Isn't all that really matters is that God knows my heart, and since he is the ultimate judge, is that all that matters? I ask myself these ?'s constantly and you know what, I DON'T KNOW! and I think that is ok......I don't think I am supposed to know all the answers. But then again, maybe I should know some of them! lol.........anyways, that is where my head is tonight!

10-17-09: Another week gone and I am wondering how it got so cold so fast! lol......what happened to Fall? straight from Summer into Winter...no fair! I must admit I have kinda slacked off on the exercise this week. Stress from other area's of my life have taken precedence. I have been praying for the strength to be able to exercise no matter what else is going on. It seems to be a pattern that I let other things distract me from the goal of losing the weight. It is something that has plagued my journey from the start. A vicious circle of......well mainly.......not having that same concern for myself that I do for others....I REALLY need to work on that!

10-13-09: As I had expected I was in severe pain Sunday. So much so that I had to leave Church early. This battle with the weight thing is going to be so much harder than I had anticipated. The good thing is that I am starting to get some encouraging comments from people. Knowing that people, even if it is only a few, are praying for me and hoping I succeed has been a great boost to my confidence. Almost making the pain worth it. I know that the more I can do and make myself do the better off I am going to be in the long run. I just wish that people who have never been where I am could understand just how HARD that is! Not all overweight people are lazy, and eat all the time, and just don't care....and all the other things that people think about me. The truth is I don't eat very much and I don't eat very often and that is part of why I have so much trouble with my weight. Not eating regularly and not eating enough is JUST as bad for you as overeating. I won't go into all the reasons why I eat the way I do, but ALL of them are NOT my fault. Like the up to 15%(not 9% which is what the government wants you to believe) of unemployed people in this country today, the economy has made it impossible for me to always eat everyday the way I should and still keep a roof over my head! But even as I go through these everyday trials I know I am not alone, God is always with me, right there by my side, seeing me through when I feel like I just can't go on anymore. Pastor Jim is right! God is good, ALL THE TIME!

10-10-09: Well I finally got my E-store up and running and I am expecting great things from it. i will be sharing more of my thoughts later but for now i am just going to sit back and relax and reflect on what God has done for me this week and look ahead to what is to come next week. Went and hung out at my parents for awhile w/my son today and played w/some of the nieces and nephews it was a pretty good time but i am beat now! lol i played some basketball and some game similar to horse shoes w/beanbags and a goal with a hole in the middle of it...... i am painfully not good!!!!!!! lol well have a good night everyone i am off to bed..Church tmw!

10-07-09: as always God is good all the time! Remember to pray for your enemies or those who you don't agree with as well as the people you cherish. It is easy to pray for the ones you love, but the true mark of a Godly life is having the strength to pray for those you disagree with and mean it. That is the hard part, it isn't enough to just pray for them, you have to mean it. We are called to live our life as Christ did. Even on his way to the cross he prayed for forgiveness for those persecuting him. What an amazing way to live your life. Instead of being full of contempt and hate for those around you that you don't see eye to eye with pray that God will bless them in the same way you ask him to bless you. I know it isn't easy because I am dealing with this issue myself. With God's strength and guidance we can all make this a better world. May God bless you and your family!

10-02-09: another week gone and as i sit here i find it amazing how fast time goes by the older you get. it seems like when we're kids everything is so far away, birthdays, summer break, holidays......but as we get older in the blink of an eye another week, month, or even year has passed. i think the hardest thing for us to comprehend as Christians, well as human beings, is the concept of forever! an eternity in heaven with God sounds so amazing and so unbelievable all at the same time. i have tried to imagine what that would be like and every time i do it not only scares me but also gives me a humongous headache......lol but with the same faith that i whole heartedly believe what the Bible says i believe in eternal salvation. sorry i don't have an update on my weight this time, as i have been pretty busy and haven't had time to weigh myself, or maybe i am afraid of that also, hmmmmm?????? well anyways keep praying, read your Bible, and remember to be thankful for the blessings you have and give thanks to God for them!

9-28-09: well business is leveling off and i must say i was surprised that it lasted that long. a mini recovery so to speak. the blessings that God has granted me continue to be abundant. good friends, family and Church that so many people don't have and really do need. i wonder where i would be now if i hadn't made my way back to Church on the Sept. Sunday following that day we will never forget. that tragedy is what got me in the doors but i assure it isn't what has kept me there for the past 8 years. a greater understanding of what i would be giving up in the next life, the desire to grow in my relationship with God and to spread his message have all played a role in my continuing to go. but people remember Church isn't just a building you go to on Sunday. it is a way of life, the way we present ourselves to others on a daily basis the other 6 days of the week. our obligation as Christians isn't met when we leave that door on Sunday, it is just beginning. it is easy to project a Christian attitude when surrounded by Christians in a Church building. but what sort of image do you project on Tuesday or Thursday or Friday night? that is the real test. that is when people who might not go to Church and are on the fence of making that choice see you. and when they see you, are you projecting that same Christian attitude as in Church on Sunday morning or are you projecting something that you would never do in Church. maybe you should think about and pray about how you present yourself to others once you are outside of the Church doors, i know i do! and on another topic, i am happy to report that i dropped nearly 2 pounds this week and hey, that's a start!

9-19-09: well it has been a busy week, and i am hoping that transpires into a profitable one. but only time will tell if that will be the case or not. God has blessed me with good friends and family and now i am starting to be blessed even in my business. i am starting to walk more which in itself is a blessing that i can and that it helps me with starting to lose the weight. that is another thing that only time will tell if it is working or not. since focusing on praying and reading more scripture i am finding more comfort and that things that bother me aren't bothering me as much any longer. i think that being comfortable in my own skin is not easy bc i am harder on myself than anyone even if people don't think so. well i am not sure what next week will hold but i am sure i will be handle it with the help of our Lord, Jesus Christ! have a great weekend and don't forget to pray and read your Bible.

9-14-09: you know it is funny how things can look so different from one day to the next. God blesses each of us on a daily basis in ways we don't even realize. Friends, family, pets, all the things we just take for granted. it is always so much easier to find the negative, no job, failed relationship, problems with my weight but even in the midst of all the turmoil God continues to bless us. if you look hard enough you can find good in anything. the problem is that no one wants to look for the good bc we would rather focus on the negative. Matthew 5:1-12 is called the "be"attitudes....i never really thought about what that meant...it simply means that as a Christian this is how your attitude should "be". God blesses the poor bc they realize they need him, he blesses those who mourn with comfort, he blesses the meek by allowing them to inherit the earth. in short people, God blesses those who live life the right way, the Christian way, the GODLY way. changing isn't easy, if it was everyone would do it. dare to be different, dare to be Christ like, dare to be Blessed! have a blessed day!

9-11-09: As you go about your day today please join me in first and foremost remembering the victims of the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01. For me it has been a pretty busy week. I am hoping that busy translates into profitable. I must admit that I am struggling greatly in one area, one that is important, and that is my prayer and scripture time. Pray for me, that God will give me strength and willpower, not only to lose weight but to be a good a faithful servant to him. I think it is harder for all of us to pray and read the Bible when everything is going well, or even ok. That is something that needs to change dare we start viewing God more like a "genie in the lamp" that we only need when things are bad, instead of as our Creator and Heavenly Father who we need everyday, all day. I find that one of my biggest triggers for overeating is stress. Finding a way to manage my stress may be a huge key to helping me on my journey to the massive undertaking of weight loss I have embarked on. It is definitely something to think about. Well I am off to my busy day, God Bless and have a great day! We will not forget!

9-6-09: It’s been a busy week work-wise. That is always a good thing. I have been in a lot of pain this week. It is getting harder to walk as the pain in my knees get worse. I am finding that there isn’t a lot of helpful info out there. Plenty of opinions and nonsense and everyone seems to know what “you should do is” but unless they know the individual situation they really don’t know. It is very easy to tell someone “well what you need to do is exercise” or “You know, if you lost weight that would help the pain in yours knees”. Well jeez Mr. or Mrs. Wizard thank you for that insightful tidbit of info. Now, would someone mind telling me…..HOW do you lose weight if you hurt too bad to exercise? HOW do you get yourself to do the right things when they hurt so much that it causes you to get depressed and then you just want to eat more because you are depressed. It is a vicious cycle to get stuck in that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and I know I am not alone! There has to be someone else, many others, out there going through the same things I am. No offense meant, but I am getting really tired of someone who has been 150 lbs. there whole life trying to tell me what I need to do to lose weight. HOW IN THE WORLD can they know what I am going thru. The good thing is that I have prayer, a small but great Church family, and that gives me so much comfort. I shutter to think where I would be without God in my life. I sometimes look back on my life, the things I have done, the choices I have made, and I know that the only reason I am still here is like a lot of people it took a national tragedy to get me back to Church and realize that there is more to life than just what happens in my small sheltered world. Even with that peace and comfort I am still desperately looking for someone, anyone, that can help me figure out something I can do that is beneficial as exercise without putting me in so much pain that I want to just lay down and do nothing at all!

9-2-09: the world lost a good man on Sat. L.D. Moline, the man that got me started in the electrical business passed away due to complications from cancer. Lenny was a good man who valued family above all else. If you worked for him now or had worked for him in the past you felt like you were part of his family. After I left working for Lenny and many years later ventured out on my own to start my own company, like a surrogate father Lenny was there to answer all of the simple, silly, and sometimes downright stupid questions I asked him. Me, my brother Duane, Charlie, Bond.....and countless others owe our career to the man who always seemed to have a smile on his face no matter how good or bad his day went. I still remember like yesterday when my son was born on April 15,1986......I spent a week off of work helping with getting things set up at home and Lenny, being his family conscious self, paid me hour for hour the same hours my brother worked that week because that is who i was working with at the time. But looking back I am not really all that surprised that he would and did do that because that was just the kind of man he was. I don't know where LD stood with God, but as a Christian I can only hope that he is in the cradling arms of God watching over his family in Heaven the way he did here on Earth. Rest in Peace Lenny, you will be greatly missed!

8-28-09: You know the saying goes that God works in strange and mysterious ways. I have found that to be true as he continues to bless me even when I feel don't deserve it. I am struggling more than ever with what to do about the weight and how I am going to get it off when I just don't feel like doing anything. But in the midst of all of this God has blessed me with an abundance of work. So even when I am struggling and feeling less worthy than ever God still blesses me. Maybe not exactly in the order I would like, but blesses me none the less. I am thankful and confused at the same time, and I think that is okay. Being a Christian doesn't mean knowing or understanding how and why God works on our lives in the way he does. I think it is more about realizing that it is through his grace that these things happen. How else would you explain my explosion of work in the midst of one of the worst economic times in our history. That being said, I still need to figure out what I am going to do to help me lose me weight when I have to fight for the energy to do everyday things and can't even consider the possibility of exercise. I want to, need to, have to find a way to and these things I know. But how do you do that if you can't physically do it? If anyone is reading this and has any suggestions PLEASE feel free to email them to me.........

8-22-09: well another week ending and as i look back i can see just how big this adventure i am going on is going to be and how much of a role God "has" to play in it. i find that i am going to have to pray for strength for even the little things. the will to eat right, exercise, and the spiritual well being. it seemed so simple in the beginning, if i put this on my website i have pressure to succeed and i am held accountable. that has always worked well for me, that feeling of being accountable. not so much to myself but that feeling of not wanting to let someone else down, in this case whoever might be reading this. at first it seemed like such a good motivator. but what i have found is in my case if i can't see, touch, or at least hear from the one or ones i am trying not to "let down" it is much much harder. praying on this is going to be my salvation literally, bc if i don't get this under control i will die. and while as a Christian the prospect of death is no longer a point of fear bc i will be in Heaven, i don't think i should nor would God want me to do anything to intentionally speed up the natural process. and i do always have that fear in the back of my mind of "what if" and we could all make that into a long list of things...i wonder if i heard from anyone who might be reading this whether it be encouragement, suggestions, or even criticism if that can kick start my incessant need to not let anyone down. oh how i wish i could have that same need to succeed for myself.........maybe there is a reason i don't?

8-17-09: nothin exciting to report today, like most days i spent the majority of the day closed up inside. i find myself becoming more and more content to just stay inside and not even look at the outside world. i am running my business as a shut in. having other people do the work, keeping less money for myself, and even having the builders mail the checks to me to keep from having to leave if i don't have to. sometimes i go days without even speaking to anyone. sometimes i visual my life different than it is, i am outgoing and personable. successful with no money troubles. and then i wonder if my life were what we as humans consider as perfect. would i have time for God? would i still rely on him as much if i didn't have the problems i have? the easy answer is yes. but i really don't know. part of my struggle with my own Christianity is am i a Christian for the right reasons or out of necessity? i struggle everyday with this and can only hope that it is for the right reasons. all i can do is pray, study the word and hope to hear what God has to say.

8-15-09: Feeling a little discouraged today. It seems every time I think I am moving forward, somehow, someway I always seem to get knocked back. I question an a regular basis if I am doing things right. The way I live my life, my walk with Christ, my lack of willpower with my weight. I don't have the answers but I have lots of questions. And I think a lot of Christians have these same questions, and I think it is ok too! Being a Christian doesn't mean I have stopped being human. It doesn't mean all of my problems magically disappear. But what if you sometimes you don't feel like there has been any change? What if you aren't sure if what you think is the right thing, isn't? And am I the only one with these doubts? Studying the Word of God, praying, going to Church.......am I just going through the motions? If I am where I should be with God, why can't losing the weight be easier?

8-12-09: I wasn't sure what to do when I first started this journey, or this journal. It always seems like I have so many ideas churning around in my head and then when I sit down to put them on paper, WHAM!, I draw a total blank. First of all, the weight issue is going to be a massive undertaking. Do I have the willpower? God will never forsake me, but will I forsake him? It is a vicious circle to be caught in when you eat because you are stressing and you are stressing because you eat. That causes you to get depressed about the way you look which in turn makes you want to eat for comfort. I think for far too long people have not understood that until you deal with the issues that cause the overeating, dieting won't work. Then you have to deal with other Christians saying well your body is a temple, and gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, so you feel by being overweight you have not only let yourself down, but you have let God down. Causing depression and triggering the overeating all over again. So what message are we sending as children of God? Are we telling people that if you are overweight you can't be a Christian? You can't get into Heaven? I don't know about you but I would hope as a Christian I am ENcouraging, not DIScouraging to any and every person that is seeking to know God. Remember it is NOT our place to judge, only Jesus will do that, and on that day do you want to hear job well done good and faithful servant! Or do you think you are going to hear depart from me for I never knew you! I don't know about you but as for me I truly hope my life reflects in such a way that I am going to hear those beautiful words good and faithful servant!

8-7-09: Been sitting around thinking about what to write, or if to write, who knows. I know it is been a shift from praying for the strength to lose the weight to praying for relief from the pain. I have always thought of myself as someone with a high tolerance to pain and maybe that is true, maybe that is why I continue to push myself through the pain. Pain that I can only imagine would keep a lot of people from moving at all. I really hope that doesn't become the case with me. It is very hard to motivate yourself to something, ANYTHING, when you know it is going to hurt the entire time you do it as well as for hours, or in my case days, after you do it. Before people are so quick to judge I think they should try to put themselves in my position. I would say "walk a mile in my shoes" but to be quite frank I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else. I don't know how I got to this point and that isn't even really important now what is important is that I find a way to remedy the situation before it is too late!

8-5-09: Well as another day closes about all I can say is it is HOT! and STICKY! here. We have had a pretty mild Summer but this month the humidity has come in with a vengeance. I have started doing some stretching exercises and as I thought it has done much yet to help the pain in my knees. I am hoping someone out there has a suggestion for something that actually works at relieving the pain. There has to be something out there that can help the pain until I can get rid of enough weight to alleviate the pain. I have to say the prayer and scripture has helped greatly with the mental part of this journey. Now I am hoping for something that can take care of the physical part. Well I am off to take care of some paperwork that might actually result in some income, Wish me Luck! lol.........

8-03-09: Well the weekend is over and it is back to the "grind". I think I did pretty good this weekend. My knees are giving me a lot more problems than I had anticipated. So I think I am going to take it a little slower on the walking schedule and spend some extra time working on stretching to see if I can make any progress in the pain department that way. I spent most of my weekend like any other, watching TV, catching up on chores, and just being my normal lazy self. As part of my daily regiment I am going to make a better effort to incorporate prayer and scripture into my daily schedule. I have proved time and time again that I can't do this in my own strength so now it is time to turn to the only solution. I can't do it in my strength but if I am faithful and diligent I can do it in His strength. God is always there for us. He never goes anywhere, we walk away from him but he is a constant beacon of Love, Strength, and Compassion always willing to take us back if we will allow him to work in our lives. I am ready! Well that's all for now!

7-31-09: Well sorry I missed a day but I was kinda busy all day and by the time I finally got home I didn't really feel like sitting at the computer. I got a lot accomplished. Did some good walking. Enjoyed the weather and actually did some work too. I worked all day today too. Good exercise and gets me out of the house, but boy do I pay for it when I get home. My knees are aching, my back hurts, and I am almost too tired to make anything to eat! Luckily pre-packaged meals are great for nights like tonight. I am wondering why sometimes things don't work out the way we think they should and other times they do when we least expect it. I am thinking more and more that I maybe someday I would like to get married, but until I get my own issues worked who would have me????????? Hmmmmmmmmm! A good ? to ponder while I relax the rest of the night...........G'night and God Bless!

7-29-09: today was not a good one. i was on my feet for too long, did too much walking, and my knees are killing me! i got a lot accomplished but i am paying for it now. i must admit i am a bit discouraged at the obstacle my knees are being. praying helps my state of mind and is comforting but i still have to push the pain. i am not sure how long it will last or how bad it will it get, but i am going to keep going until i get past it or am unable to walk at all. i am going to research some natural pain relievers and get off my feet. so in the immortal words of Porky Pig....THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

7-28-09: Okay day 3 and so far I have decided that walking is my best option so far, no matter how much it hurts. I have started to take suggestions from people on stuff that has worked for them as well as some people who think I am nuts, stupid, or just plain too lazy to do this. Well even though I had prepared myself, or so I thought, for they "nay" sayers and people who would hope that I will fail, I must admit it still stings a little. But I keep on keeping on and I know with God's help that it will be a sweet pill to deliver when I get to show them the new me and say, "I TOLD YOU SO!" What a great day that will be if I am not just kidding myself. And I hope I am not!

7-27-09: Well I am starting my day off with my normal routine and am down to the last thing on my list before I head out to take care some errands and that is to pray.....Well the "cat is out of the bag" so to speak because the people in my inner circle have found out about my little experiment here. I am not sure how I feel about it.......maybe I will have a better take on it after I pray and have some time alone with my thoughts.....so bye for now but I will be back to let you know what my plan is as soon as I figure it out myself. So I am off to take care of my errands...have a great day......12:00 p.m. I am back from running my errands and although I feel really tired and sore I got some good walking in. I am trying to come up with a plan for how to lose this weight. Problem #1- Because of years of abuse my knees are shot making it hard for me to walk. The desire is there! I want to do this!!!!! But I am just not sure how yet. A pool would be a great idea if I had access to a private pool I could be in by myself, but since that isn't an option.........I am going to have to find some form of exercise that I can do that is low to no impact right in my home. Any suggestions?

7-26-09: Today I decided that I was going to make a change in my life. I am not going to sit around any longer feeling sorry for myself. If I don't take charge of my life, then who will!! It is going to be tough and I am going to need to help. And lots of it!! I realize that when all is said and done that I hold the key to my future and at present my future is death by heart attack if I don't change soon. I went to Church this morning like every Sunday. The message was about living your life as a Christian. How do you practically live a Christian life? Pastor Jim, our Preacher, as always seemed like he was talking to directly to me. I think the reason I take so many of the sermons personally is, well, the shame I feel. I feel like I have not only let myself down, but my family, friends, and even the Church. I look around and wonder why I have so much trouble when it comes to my weight when I am so disciplined in the other parts of my life. I don't know if I will be able to do this or not. But I do know I have to try! And if I don't try nothing is ever going to change. You know I have found in my life that many things scare me. Or maybe they do and I just tell myself they don't. But the thought of doing this, being exposed, accountable, not too mention letting people see what I look like, scares me to death. So much so that I didn't even tell the people closest to me that I was doing it. I guess that time will come when it comes. Well that is all for now, I don't know if I will write more today or not.

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